erm...hi

An excerpt from the Journal of Frodo Baggins Concerning the Loss of an Uncle and the Gain of An Unwanted Estate

Okay, so BILBO LEFT!!!
What am I supposed to do?? I mean I've known him for all my life and we've always been close and all of a sudden *poof* he's gone!! And I'm serious about the *poof* thing. That was cool though...
But anyway, when he dissapeared at the party I started hyperventalating. I have a weak nervous system and he knows this!! Why would he pull something like that on me when he knows that I'm easily scared! Jeez!! Anyway, after I was fanned awake, I got up and hurried to the house. When I got there, Gandalf was waiting for me. He did not look happy! This guy occasionally scares the crap outa me. Anyway, so I started sorta looking around for Bilbo but Gandalf stopped me. He was all sullen and was like, "He's gone."
I wanted to know where he'd gone but Gandalf said, "Only the open road will warrant an answer to that, young hobbit."
What kind of an answer is that?? I wanna know where my uncle is!!
Anway, then he starts in on this shpeal about how Bilbo left everything to me but that I had to deal with a packet immidiately. I went to the mantelpiece and took down an envelope that had been leaning there, waiting for me. But I didn't open it. I didn't want to because opening it would for sure mean that Bilbo had left and would close the matter completely.
"You'll find his will and all the other documents in there I think," said the wizard, "You are the master of Bag End now. And also, I fancy, you'll find a golden ring."
"The ring!" I exclaimed."Has he left me that? I wonder why. Still, it may be useful."
That ring got me excited. I knew that bilbo had loved it and had often told me of how he obtained it. But he'd always been uncomfortable with me holding it so I'd only ever done so once.
"It may, and it may not," said Gandalf. "I should not make use of it, if I were you. But keep it secret, and keep it safe! Now I am going to bed."
Man, what a captain wet-blanket! But I too had to had things to do. Well...I guess he only had one thing to do...but me, I was going to be busy. I had to go and knock off the party. Nobody wanted to leave without an explanation but what could I say to them? I just told them that surely, everyting would be cleared up in the morning. Okay, so I was a little out of it and couldn't make up a better excuse. Whatever.
But the next day was worse. Everyone came to Bag End to see if I had answers. All I could tell the many hobbits who seemed to constantly come up the road to my home was, "Mr. Bilbo Baggins has gone away; as far as i know, for good."
Some hobbits, I invited inside because Bilbo, afterall, hadn't left everything for me. There were a few various items which went to different hobbits.
But yeah, the whole rest of the day was pretty much hectic. Rumors were spread that I was giving away things for everyhobbit and so throngs of them came, uninvited, to my door. They haggled for belongings that I wished to stay and they snuck items when my back was turned. Hey, I was tired and I was sick of these thieving beings. Thank goodness for Merry because he came and tried to help push hobbits away. He told everyone that I was disposed, that I was resting and to leave because I would see no one.
Of course I'm sad that Bilbo left. I miss him already.
But that ring is awesome!!

An Update Concerning Gandalf's Last Excerpt, Bilbo's Stupid Actions and Smokey's Psycological Sickness

Mess about the ring clears up?? No way will that ever happen, old man!! Believe you me! I've been hearing yells of agravation lately from my father. And make no mistake, this mountain is thick! I mean, no one ever hears me cry when I call for help!! Or, maybe they just know that I'm not allowed out of the mountain...
Anyway, Dad has been really angry about the stupid ring lately. I mean, GOSH!! It's just a stupid ring, right? I mean, sometimes I have this want to put it on but I'm sure that's only genetic. Dad really wants the stupid thing and I think that he's going to be taking drastic actions soon, so I'd watch out it I were...all of you...

Oh, and sorry I've been gone so long. My best friend, Smokey the dragon was sick and near death. You know, I think his weight problems are really starting to get to him because he's constantly sad, you know. Plus, I think the psycological effect they have on him may have been what caused the sickness. But he's better now. I would be so lonely without him...

Oh, and Bilbo, stupid actions warrant stupid results, buddy. You're about to feel some consequenses, methinks.

Gosh, beings are stupid!!